Great News!!

I found a local prostitute who charges by the inch.

Obviously, I can’t afford her but I thought it would be a cheap night for you.

Looks like someone has problems

July 7, 2008

Gentlemen,

I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.

I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

******************

Dear Mr. Finnegan,

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.

The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,
Irish Rail

*******************

Gentlemen,

I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history.

If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.

That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

One question: Spit or Swallow?

Ahhh, the beauty of young love!

This is a video of two broken hearted lovers. I don't know what gets to me more...the moment the guy goes into his own apartment and finds his girlfriend tied-up in bed with not one but two girls dressed as construction workers with caution tape around his four poster bed or the fact that Romeo and Juliet reconcile with this classic exchange:

Her: "What do you think?"

Him: "I guess if this is what you are into ... I don't know what I think. It is going to take me a little bit of time."

Her: "How do you tell someone...?"
Him: "Just say it."

Her: "I want you to dress-up like a construction worker and fuck me in the ass."

True Story

Wife to Hubby: You never take me anywhere expensive anymore.
Husband: Get your coat and get in the car
Wife excitedly says: Where you taking me?
Husband: The fucking gas station.

Crazy Sex Laws

1. Oral sex is illegal in 18 states, including Arizona.

2. In Virginia, it is illegal to have sex with the lights on.

3. It is illegal for husbands in Willowdale, Oregon, to talk dirty during intercourse.

4. Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia.

5. Engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal in Washington, DC.

6. In Connorsville, Wisconsin, it is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner is having an orgasm.

7. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

8. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal in Florida.

9. It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

10. Sex with animals is perfectly legal for men in Washington state, as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds.

Happy BDay America!!!

America Rules England Sucks - Watch more free videos

John McCain

Comparing People to Hitler

Comparing people to Hitler is an easy way for white people to get a strong point across to the less enlightened, or the insufficiently white. Everyone knows who Adolf Hitler was. And everyone knows that Hitler was very, very bad..... No matter what your gut reaction may be at that point, do not disagree with that white person. Otherwise, well, you love Hitler....

It's also critical that you avoid the fatal mistake of getting creative and comparing people you don’t like to other evil dictators, such as Joseph Stalin or Fidel Castro. With few exceptions, white people are actually fond of almost any dictator not named Hitler, and your remark that "this is just like something Mao Zedong would do" will be met with blank stares and possible social alienation. This is because, with the exception of Hitler, oppressive dictators share a passion for many of the things white people love- such as universal health care, conspiracy theories, caring about poor people while being filthy rich, and cool hats. Stick to the script and compare things you don’t like to Hitler, and Hitler alone.

Unemployment Numbers

Ask yourself a few questions: Why did unemployment surge at a time when unemployment compensation claims are historically low (only 49,000 workers lost their jobs)? More to the point, how could unemployment spike this much without a coinciding spike in corporate lay-offs?

The answer to all of these questions is same: because very few people lost jobs last month. This huge jump in the size of the unemployed comes from new entrants to the economy – hundreds of thousands of them. In short, well over 600,000 people who were not job seekers in April became job seekers in May. And who starts looking for work at the end of Spring? That’s right – students. Hundreds of thousands of students are looking for work right now, and they’re not finding it.

Congress is to blame. Last year Congressional Democrats (along with some RHINO Republicans) passed the Fair Minimum Wage Act of 2007, which started a phased hike of the minimum wage from $5.15 an hour to $7.25. Free market economists warned them that this would increase unemployment – that rapid increases in unemployment compensation hit teens and minorities the hardest. But the class-warriors are running the people’s house now, and they would hear none of that, so they took to the floor, let loose the dogs of demagoguery, and saddled America’s pizza parlors, municipal swimming pools, house painting businesses and lawn mowing services with a huge cost increase.

Who got hurt? Overwhelmingly, the job seekers who could not gain employment were teenagers and African-Americans. Those of us who argued against a minimum-wage increase had predicted that exact outcome. Thus, the real story here is unemployment among entry-level workers to the employment system. In summer, teenagers and college students enter the marketplace looking for seasonal and part-time work. This accounts for the significant rise in job-seekers and the 0.4% increase in unemployment. Otherwise, an overall job loss of 49,000 jobs would account for a 0.04% increase in a market of 138 million workers.

Why have these new job seekers found it difficult to get jobs? As stated, the reason is that Congress made jobs costlier just in time for this economic slowdown.

Let's look at the numbers closely: Congress raised the minimum wage last year by seventy cents an hour, from $5.15 to $5.85. It will rise again in July to $6.55 an hour, and next year will hit $7.25 per hour. That makes entry-level labor as much as 27% more expensive this summer, when consumers have already slowed down their spending.

The natural loss of work from the slowdown amplifies the effect of the minimum-wage increase, because businesses now cannot afford to raise prices to maintain their entry-level positions.

Former 49er Fred Dean gets call to Hall

Congratulations to Fred Dean and his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Oh, yeah!!!

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

Daily Quote (by me)

"I'm too much man to be left alone."

Happy Festivus Season (A few weeks late)!

Frank Costanza: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!

Frank Costanza: I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it. You, Kruger. My son tells me your company STINKS!

George Costanza: Oh, God.

Now that you have a girl how do you get her to have more sex

Sex, politics and my thoughts

-- 25 percent of all Republicans and 35 percent of all Democrats have had more than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime-a higher percentage than vote in congressional and local elections.

-- 55 percent of Republicans have sex at least once a week, compared with just 43 percent of Democrats.

-- 14 percent of Thompson supporters and 12 percent of Obama supporters claim to have sex "almost every day." 5 percent of Clinton and Giuliani supporters have sex that frequently.

-- On average, Republicans say they were 18.4 years old when they first had sex. Independents were 17.6 and Democrats 17.5.

-- 58 percent of respondents think Bill Clinton was the sexiest president of the past 40 years; Ronald Reagan is second, with 22 percent. 38 percent say Richard Nixon was the least sexy; Bill Clinton is second, with 18 percent.

-- 23 percent of all Republicans and 24 percent of all Democrats would "definitely" or "probably" say yes to a one-night stand in the Oval Office with a president they found physically and sexually attractive.

-- 51 percent of all Republicans and 67 percent of all Democrats have watched porn with their sexual partners.

-- 55 percent of people who attend church every week consider themselves to be "sexually adventurous."

-- Americans of both parties say they are more turned on by intelligence than by physical appearance.

All findings were based on a nationally representative survey of 900registered voters between the ages of 18 and 65, all of whom are very likelyto vote in the 2008 Presidential election.

Ok, by looking at this survey produced by Frank Luntz for the next issue of Playboy I have found out that I am in the upper half of all Republicans on sexual partners. If I had to count I have had easily more than 10 women in my life time that I remember. There are a few times I might not have had sex so I'm not counting them. Also, I'll throw out the ones whose names I can't remember. For instance, like this 40 year-old I had relations with back in graduate school who I met at the ESPN Zone.

The one stat that didn't surprise me was that 55% of Republicans having sex once a week compared to only 43% of Democrats. Seriously, most Democrat women are lucky if they have sex at all the way they run their mouth and protest shit all the time. Shut up and get freaky. The world is not going to be destroy by big old bad George W. Bush so just go with your hormones and have some sex. Its certainly not going to kill you. In fact, if you have sex with a Republican/sexist male it might be pretty damn good cause then it more than likely will turn into hot angry sex.

Some of the best sex I have ever had was with this liberal chick who would argue all the time with me. She basically hated everything I believed in but we clicked in bed. I think that was the only thing we had in common ... freaky sex. I actually asked this girl one time what she was thinking when we had sex after a fight and she said "fucking me to death." Yeah, not a healthy relationship by far. Still I was thinking the same thing. It was great and we loved it.

Now the church attendance and "sexually adventurous" polling result I think is right on. Basically if you're a guy you must have these type of women at least once in your life: black, half-black, catholic, bi-curious, straight-out-bi, and liberal. I have been lucky to have all of these. I must say that the strict catholic girl is the best! However, if you get a strict catholic bi-curious then you hit gold!!! Never had that but before I got married I was waiting for the black (half-black) strict catholic bi-curious liberal girl. Do they exist?

Anyhow, back to my point: church girls are great. They have this suppressed sexual thing going on. Their minds and social upbringing tell them that the spanking and mild BDSM stuff is wrong but their bodies say it's so right. Get them some drunk and use to talking dirty and its all over for you. Basically you'll be trying to get some extra sleep on the morning side but none that night.

How to get rid of hippies: Carmen says, "Hippies hate death metal"

South Carolina has a fee-vah...

Huckabee: A Reason Not to Elect this Man

Ms. Magazine Refused To Run This AD

It's a full-age ad with the pictures of three women who are high-level Israeli government figures, their names and identities in the captions ("Dorit Beinisch / President, / Supreme Court of Israel"; "Tzipi Livni / Vice Prime Minister, / Minister of Foreign Affairs"; "Dalia Itzik / Speaker of the Knesset"). Underneath, in large letters, is the caption "This is Israel." Below that is the logo of the American Jewish Congress, and contact information.

Here is what the American Jewish Congress describe when they tried to get Ms. Magazine to print the ad:

When Director of AJCongress’ Commission for Women’s Empowerment Harriet Kurlander tried to place the ad, she was told that publishing the ad “will set off a firestorm” and that “there are very strong opinions” on the subject -− the subject presumably being whether or not one can say anything positive about Israel. Ms. Magazine publisher Eleanor Smeal failed to respond to a signed-for certified letter with a copy of the ad as well as numerous calls by Mr. Gordon over a period of weeks.

A Ms. Magazine representative, Susie Gilligan, whom the Ms. Magazine masthead lists under the publisher’s office, told Ms. Kurlander that the magazine “would love to have an ad from you on women’s empowerment, or reproductive freedom, but not on this.” Ms. Gilligan failed to elaborate what “this” is....

Ms. Magazine has a long record of publishing advertisements rallying readers to support reproductive choice; opposing the Religious Right; highlighting the fragility of the pro-Roe v. Wade majority on the Supreme Court; charging that “Pat Robertson and his Religious Right cohorts don’t like individual freedom;” announcing support for the “struggle for freedom and human rights;” opposing the Bush administration’s campaign to fill federal courts with judges who “will reverse decades of progress on reproductive rights and privacy, civil rights, religious liberty, environmental protection and so much more;” as well as accusing the Bush administration of being “bent on rewarding big corporations and the rich, turning back the clock on women’s rights and civil rights, and promoting a U.S. empire abroad.”

“This flagship publication of the American women’s empowerment movement publishes ads that are controversial in the general culture but not so among its readership,” Ms. Kurlander said. “Obviously, Ms. believes our ad would enflame a significant portion of their readers.”

Mr. Gordon added, “What really amazes me is that just recently, in their Winter 2007 issue, Ms. ran a cover story with a picture of Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi with the heading in big letters: “This is What a Speaker Looks Like.” While Ms. has every reason to be proud of Speaker Pelosi and her accomplishments, as are we, the only discernable difference between Speaker Pelosi and Speaker Itzik apparently is that Speaker Pelosi is not Israeli.”

Mr. Gordon noted that while Israel was apparently too hot to handle, Ms. Magazine did not extend that taboo to Arab and Moslem women. “What is even more amazing is that, while refusing to publish a simple ad praising three very notable women, women who embody the ideal that Ms. Magazine seemingly espouses, Ms. has run a cover article in the Fall 2003 issue on Queen Noor of Jordan, has featured a number of articles on Muslim women, and even ran an article in the Winter 2004 issue entitled, ‘Images of Palestine,’ which discussed the Ramallah Film Festival and gave sympathetic reviews to films concerning ‘the liberation of South Lebanon’ from Israel as well as numerous films which portrayed terrorism as legitimate ‘revolutionary’ activity against Israel and miscast Israel’s activities to counter terrorism as ‘oppressive.’” ...

Certainly Ms. is allowed to make its editorial judgment, but it's an editorial judgment that we ought to condemn.

Bloomberg: Do as I say, not do as I do

Cheez-Its...

They may be too unhealthy for regular New Yorkers to eat, but not so for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, apparently.

After gaining national media attention for spearheading an almost total ban on trans fats in city restaurants starting last July, Bloomberg was photographed in this month's issue of Wired magazine munching on those very same dangerous fats.

The photo, which accompanies a short Q&A about technology and politics, features Bloomberg at his City Hall desk, looking thoughtful and serious. Meanwhile, his right hand is seen almost absent-mindedly pulling a Cheez-It out of a single-serving bag of the crackers.

The reader can only assume that the baked snack cracker is headed for the mayor's mouth, and along with it some of the half-gram of trans fat found in every serving of Cheez-Its.

The mayor's food choice directly counters the guidance of his own Department of Health, which specifies on its Web site that "there is no safe level of artificial trans fat consumption." The site also points out that trans fats are responsible for at least 500 deaths in the city every year from heart disease.

This story reminds me of what Thomas Jefferson once said: "The issue today is the same as it has been throughout all history, whether man shall be allowed to govern himself or be ruled by a small elite."

Countdown: NFL Draft -- 107 days to go

NFL Draft - Rounds 1-2

Date: Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 12:00 PM (PT)

Location: Radio City Music Hall, New York, NY

Televised by NFL Network and ESPN.

Pop goes my heart

Great video for you 80s people:

How to pick up a girl so you don't need to look at porn