Running of the Bull Dykes

DANGEROUS new sport, called "the Running of the Bull Dykes" inspired by the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, is taking college campuses across the U.S. by storm.

Young male students say they get an adrenaline rush when they run from a stampeding herd of stocky, short-haired, mannish lesbians that are whipped into a snorting, bellowing frenzy by alcohol and the liberal use of cattle prods.

One male student explained: "Sometimes as many as 600 are penned up at the start of a twisting, half-mile course through a local park. Barriers are erected so the runners can't bail out, and the run ends at another holding pen at the finish line.

"The dykes get plenty of free drink and are worked into a rage by cattle prods. Sometimes students also pretend to have sex with the dykes' 'lipstick lesbian' girlfriends, and this gets them red-eyed with fury and ready to charge."

A typical dyke run begins at six in the morning, and a rocket goes off at the moment the bull dykes are released. "The runners have a 50 yard start on us and they're fast," says one dyke who identified herself only as Hank. "But we usually catch three or four who trip or crash into a barrier and pound them into the dirt. It's fun."

Not so, say cops. "A 200-pound, infuriated bull dyke is nothing to mess with," says one officer. "A man can get seriously hurt if he's trampled by the herd during the run."